The Importance of Kink AND Community

Kink, Community and Identity are closely intertwined (particularly in the bondage community). Join for a deeper dive to explore our kink identity as the basis for community and the importance of Community within the greater kink communities. 

Identity in the kink community is of the utmost importance and it comes in many forms/roles/preferences etc.  Not only do we have our own personal identities, oftentimes composed of multiple different kinks (e.g. Sneakers, rubber or puppy play), but also our own place within our greater kink communities (e.g. Sneaker Freaks, the rubber community or all of our fun-loving puppies). It gets even more complex when you explore our kink-specific roles within any given scene (e.g. Sneaker sniffers, gimps, pup/handlers and top/bottom in most possible scenes). Yes, on the surface it sounds complicated… but in our daily lives it’s second nature and the dynamic that informs our preferences and activities. Let’s take a deeper look and find the true value of our communities and a sense of belonging. 

Identity in the kink world defines YOU! The way you feel about yourself, the torrid things and activities that push all your naughty little buttons and how you and how you interact with others in your community. Without that identity you wouldn’t be reading this article or thinking about sex in the way you do. Realizing that a core part of yourself is attracted to something(s) very specific attaches you to the greater community. It quickly becomes very tangible and you’re drawn to gather with those that have similar interests. Whether online, in person or both… these like-minded kinksters become a community, where your most intimate desires and preferences are safe, accepted and absolutely celebrated! Can you imagine a more pleasure filled realization?

Self Expression/Self Acceptance are progressions on the journey to self actualization. Let your freak flag fly! Be Loud! Be Proud! If you’re already there on your journey, congrats! If you’re on the way, have patience and be kind to yourself. There can be as many stops along this journey as needed and there’s no absolute timeline. Finding the courage to be yourself can be a challenge, but is absolutely worth the commitment. Shed light on the wonderful (sexy) things that you like, start small, practice, make a friend, try something new… there are no rules or road map… just the search to find your truest and most honest version of yourself. Once you’ve arrived, let the good times roll. 

Community = Support. Seek out your specific communities in person or online. The kink community rallied online during the pandemic when people were feeling isolated, scared and impossibly horny! What a beautiful example of what we can do and achieve together. Queer spaces have long been a space for togetherness, but also support, mentorship and safe space for exploring untapped potential in yourself. Ask questions of community members if you’re curious or unsure… they’ve likely been in a similar circumstance at one point in their journey. Make a connection with a like-minded friend that shares interests with you… or someone who is further on their journey of self discovery. You could learn something new, feel more comfortable in areas where you have less experience and possibly make lifetime friend(s) in your local or global community! Sometimes your fetish/kink friends are the ‘Found Family’ you always needed. 

Fetish Gear + Kink = VISIBILITY!  Find your tribe, lock in your vibe. Thrive by accepting yourself and expressing your inner self. The opposite of repression is visibility. Engage in PRIDE activities if that’s your thing. Wear the outfit, put the stickers on your things, use the keychain, let them see you… ON PURPOSE! Find safe ways to take up space in your surroundings. Advocate for those that are younger/older or have softer voices. Welcome someone new into the community. Be a first friend. Listen. Encourage. Lead by example… lead by living a fulfilled life of your design.

Mental Health is REAL. If you or someone you know is having a challenging time, please reach out to resources in your area. It’s normal to have challenges, particularly when challenging things happen in life. There’s no harm in reaching out for support. There’s no shame in pursuing services, if they’re available in your area or online. Sometimes it’s you that needs to be the essential piece of community for someone else… we all do better when WE. ALL. DO. BETTER!

Indulge in your Life